HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAY

So,
Happy St. Patricks Day everyone!!!
(And by everyone I mean Steph, who is the only person so far to check out my site.)

I hope everyone had a drunk-filled and FABULOUS St. Pattys Day yesterday. I would have told you all about mine last night while I once again was the last one awake, but there was that lack of internet access again. I'll get ya' all caught up to speed now though.

It began like any other Thursday. I woke up semi-hungover, dragged my ass into work for 10:30, and was the only server on all day. (Don't get me wrong, this is a good thing. I actually make some money, and the day goes by much quicker.) Me and "TREballs" (aka. Tracey, my friend and manager) ran around like normal, it was actually busy!!! By the end of our shift though, we knew what needed to be done--Irish Car Bombs. So Tracey, her hubby, Jason, Kate, and I all celebrated the holiday with a very "St. Pattys Day" shot. While we all sat at the corner of the ABC bar I decided to get even more into the spirit by sporting a HUGE "Guiness" hat. Not just a regular "Guiness" hat, but one that was double the size of my head, soft and furry, and shaped like a pint of Guiness. I thought nothing of it, but Tracey's face and the "BEER FACTS" chaulkboard behind me had something different to say. By the end of our "journey" at the bar, you were not able to state even one beer fact!!!

Then I had to make the better decision and exit my place of employment before things got rowdy. I had plans with Tristyn to go out and be debaucherous in some manner, so first...I needed to get myself pretty. To the tanning booth I went!!! And while I was there I thought a quick trim on the old 'dew would do me well. Then back to good old Rolling Green to finalize the process.

After being informed that our old pal Kenneth Jamrog was going to be in attendance for the evening, I needed to make sure the ensemble was especially FANTASTIC. Leather pants it would have to be!!! I got ready as quick as possible, and we all know how quick that actually was. Next thing I know, the boys and Madonna were right outside the sliding doors. Just to piss me off, they told me how tired and drunk they had gotten all day while I was at work serving peeps their Corned Beef and Cabbage. They didn't think they would be able to make it out of the house. With a quick shimmer from the glitter on my face, it was easy to convince them to go out with me to Springfield and see some PENIS. (Yeah male strip-club!)

Seeing as all of us were "A little intoxicated" to say the least, we tried to put our two-halfs of a brain together and come up with a plan on how to NOT have to drive home from XTATIC. It wasn't the drive there we were worried about--Kenny said he was good to get us there. After carefull collaberation we came up with the idea of the Holliday Inn.

In two-shakes of a lambs tail the trio of fags were off like a prom dress!!! Like always, the night was crazy. At the club I was bought my first lapdance by Mr. Jamrog. When I sat down on the bench I told the boy/man that he was poppin' my cherry. I asked him what I was supposed to do, and he just told me to sit back and enjoy--kinda' like what I tell my customers at the restaraunt! SCARY!!! After that I had troubles finding Tristyn and Kenny all night. Turns out the reason is that they were in the back blowing all thier money on penis. They basically were getting a lapdance the entire time we were there.

And then the shit went down...
Next thing I know, we're in our hotel room with three strangers (one was a stripper from the club), and nobody has any booze or other party favors. Obviously the only thing to keep us all entertained would be to watch Kenny have sex with one of them, while also trying to make small-talk to each other. Before we know it though, the older (mid 50's) guy is trying to pass out in Tristyn and I's bed. Tristyn laid down the law and told the two not "with" Kenny it was time for them to go. They complied. Within an hour all was well. It was back to the originall three amigos and sleep was well within our sight.

Now it's morning, and life is great. We went to HOOTERS for some breakfast, and by breakfast I mean Blueberry beer and wings. Our waitress got quite the show. By the end of our meal she was allowing us to slide her orders along the "order-in" line. Kenny and Tristyn were revealing thier newfound plans to open a DICKS--in which male servers would be required to wear just a tight speedo. She loved us though!!!

Talk to Ya' Soon

The Official Start of "JUST JOSH"

So...

I somehow created a blog way back on my birthday (January 31), but it now does not exist. Do you even know how much typing that means I have to do!!! Think of all the stories I could possibly have told in a WHOLE month's worth of time. That is a fucking LOT of stories!!!

Well, Here we go...

As you can clearly see, Josh is officially online. Bear with me getting this site together 'cause not only do I not have regular access to a computer, but me and computers do not typically have the best relationships. I plan to have a bunch of pics ready for your viewing pleasure sometime soon though. These will aide in the process of catching up on "Josh's" current events. 'Till then, my words will have to paint you all the pictures.

So first of all, THE BIRTHDAY!!!

I don't know about Steph and Justin Timberlake, but once again my birthday seemed to last for days. Somewhere amongst the drunken stooper I managed my way out to good old Providence,RI with some of the best clubbers I know. Of course my right-hand man Brian was present, and an un-expected old-time guest arrived at the club surprising us all...TYLER SULLIVAN! We partied like rock stars, and somehow did not manage to get kicked out of the club. By the end of the night I found myself in a weird town known as Chelmsford, MA. Tyler had become the "hostess with the most-ess" for my post-party party. 'Till the wee hours we continued our debauchery in his bedroom.

And for the next issue at hand...

Stephanie Wilson finally came back to her homeland and visited all of us "New England" folk. She made her way to Amherst for one fun-filled night at the Pub (if you want details refer to her website at [stephandlola.blogspot.com]). The next night we proceeded to grace Boston with our presence. Joined by Morgan, Mike, Danielle, Jennie, Bree, and a few others we haven't seen in quite some time, we proceeded to do it up UMASS style. I think I can speak for us all when I say..."Come back again soon ya' bitch!!!"

And on another FABULOUS note...

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! To not only one couple, but two. Mr. Brett Holladay is now officially a married man, and thank god it happened here in the good old state of MA, 'cause his wife is actually a man. GO BRETT GO!!! GOOD LUCK!!! And then to my dear Jenn and Jackypoo, who have held a place in my heart since this previous summer, CONGRATS to you too. I wish FABULOUS things for both sets of newlyweds.

And now on a more "JUST JOSH" note...

Let's all hope this nasty-ass weather (and for you folks that are not living up here in MA...the snow just keeps on coming) goes away as quick as can be. "Josh" needs to start wearing some of those FABULOUS spring clothes he has been saving since he gained some chubb, and then lost it all again. Isn't that the best feeling girls...being able to fit into all of that clothes you wore years ago (including those leather pants you all saw me in on my 21st!!!).

Anyway, I've had enough of Tristyn and Paul having sex in the background, so I'm 'gonna go join them now. JUST KIDDING!!!! I can never get enough!!! HAHAHAHA

Love Ya' Bitches